The Politics of Anonymous (Editorial)

I bet some of you are curious. How is the field of retarded buttfuckers we call politicians related to the freedom of information in any way? It doesn't matter who wins this Tuesday right? Either way, we'll keep wasting time trolling 4chan, torrenting everything we want, watching porn and getting drunk and fucking ugly girls. C'est la vie, right?

Wrong.

The only thing that Anonymous really wants is freedom, specifically, freedom of information. And when it comes right down to it, apart from everything else, there is one party that ultimately has freedom in mind, and one party that doesn't. And really, there is one party that is full of contradictions, and another that at least has a goal in mind, a direction for our country that includes freedom for people like you and me: Cyber vagabonds.

This particular party thinks we should help those less fortunate, as long as it is efficient. It thinks what goes on in the privacy of one's home is their business. It thinks that corporations should be held accountable, and that Wall Street should be punished for its indiscretion. It thinks that energy independence is vital, and that a person has a right to choose what happens to her body. They use verifiable facts to support their claims and stances. Essentially, it is an ideology without contradiction.

Their opposition believes in control. Controlling the internet, controlling the gays, controlling what religions are allowed and disallowed. They believe in wealth flowing only into the hands of those who already have it, and believe that large corporate entities should be accountable to nothing more than the almighty dollar. They believe that the free market guides everything to the right place, and if destroying the earth is a result of this, then the market has spoken, and that's the end of it. But these same people claim to love and care about those less fortunate. This ideology is constantly in contradiction with itself. Further, efficiency is never a factor to these people. If a piece of legislation saves money, but provides something undesirable (like healthcare to niggers) then they are vehemently against it. They enjoy being ignorant about the issues.

You all know exactly what I'm saying, because the factual evidence is behind me. You might not like the truth I've just laid out, but you can either accept it, or believe in what is false.

TL;DR: Vote Democrat this Tuesday, or at least, don't vote Republican.

Greetings, Anon.

Today, you will all become an hero.

Until now, you've spent your time trolling /b/ with politics and religion, /v/ with Pokemon threads, and /y/ with vaginas. You may have read a few encyclopedia dramatica pages along the way, but essentially, your only outlet to the world of online retardation that is 4chan was... Well, 4chan itself.

All that has changed. Anonymous News will now do what all you faggots are too lazy to do yourself. Keep you up-to-date on all the latest exploits of the cyber underground, as soon as the story breaks.

I'm serious, folks. I have a team of unemployed /b/tards who want nothing more than to keep an online journal of their exploits for others to view.

So please enjoy your new news outlet... And for those of you who INCORRECTLY think I'm breaking Rules 1 & 2, you can fuck off.