Today, you will all become an hero.
Until now, you've spent your time trolling /b/ with politics and religion, /v/ with Pokemon threads, and /y/ with vaginas. You may have read a few encyclopedia dramatica pages along the way, but essentially, your only outlet to the world of online retardation that is 4chan was... Well, 4chan itself.
All that has changed. Anonymous News will now do what all you faggots are too lazy to do yourself. Keep you up-to-date on all the latest exploits of the cyber underground, as soon as the story breaks.
I'm serious, folks. I have a team of unemployed /b/tards who want nothing more than to keep an online journal of their exploits for others to view.
So please enjoy your new news outlet... And for those of you who INCORRECTLY think I'm breaking Rules 1 & 2, you can fuck off.